Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
