That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
