My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
