Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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