Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
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