just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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