I wish I only lived at night.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
