this boner is exhausting
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
