I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize