Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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