Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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