Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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