I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
