the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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