DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I currently don't understand fingers.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
