that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
