THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
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