im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Randomize
