Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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