I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
