I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
