she smelled like a LAN party
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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