glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Barsexuality is the new black.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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