You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
