sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
