I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
