just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
