The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
