all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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