New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize