I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
