dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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