We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
