We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
