i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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