You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
