hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
