i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize