Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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