I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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