Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
