she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Randomize
