Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
