Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
