He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize