craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
