Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
