I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
