Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
