I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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