summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Damn victory sex feels great
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize