a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
