we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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