I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
