im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
