He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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