there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
