I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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