Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
