My brain says no but my pants say off.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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