So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I touched a dick in church today
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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