I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
My bed smells like the plague
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