I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
