On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
