i already hear my dad disowning me
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
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