Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
