hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize